All Aboard the Mommy Track

by Lee Sumner
Business and Personal Coach
Call 205.870.1877 or email lee@nolimitscoach.com

Dear Coach:
I have a demanding job and 2 kids in daycare. A lot of my friends have quit their corporate jobs and become stay-at-home moms (or dads) and I'm considering doing the same. But every time my husband and I talk about it, I get this panicky feeling about what I would do with the kids if I had to take care of them all day! I feel like a terrible mother for not jumping at the chance to be with her children as much as possible, but I'm not sure I can do it. I know this is a big step...how do I make the right decision?
Mother In Doubt

Dear Mother in Doubt:
You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not a bad mother for being concerned that you’ll feel isolated or frustrated if you stay home with the children. If you’re like other women I know who are trying to juggle work and family, guilt is your middle name. You probably feel guilty about not spending enough time with the children. Or if you’re with the children, you feel guilty about "not using your brain."

Reading between the lines, I get the sense that there is more than one question here. Who am I, without my career? What if I can’t do it right? What will I be giving up if I leave my job?

Even though it may be wonderful to have the opportunity to be home with your kids, the transition from workplace to full-time parent can be challenging. It would represent a change in the way you live and possibly also in the way you see yourself.

If we were having a coaching conversation, I would ask you first to take a look at what you don’t want if you choose to be a stay-at-home mom. You may say you don’t want to:

Knowing what you don’t want helps you define what it is you DO want. What would be ideal for you? Imagine hitting the fast-forward button a year into the future and telling me how this situation has worked out perfectly.

Perhaps you would call one year from now to tell me: "Lee, remember when I couldn’t decide if I wanted to quit my job and stay home with my children? Well, I made the leap and decided to take time out from my career for two years until both children are in school. I’m so glad I did. The best part is how I feel about myself. Taking this step was such a stretch that I had to do things completely different from the way I’d always done my life. It pushed me to be more intentional about asking for help and taking time for me.

I knew I didn’t want to feel isolated, so two other parents and I set up a childcare co-op for our five kids. It really helps to talk to them and find out they are experiencing the same things I am. We set up regular play-dates when we all get out of the house, and we know we can call each other when we need a life-line or someone to take the kids for a few hours. And I take my children to the YWCA twice a week so they can play while I work out. Part of my agreement with my husband is that he does a Daddy’s night every week while I do whatever I want. Boy, that was a stretch for me! But I actually took that painting class I’d been talking about, and I’m finishing an online writing course. I just submitted my first article to an e-newsletter for mothers. I feel excited about how I’m growing up—with my kids!"

If we were in a coaching session, I would challenge you to brainstorm with me to create a list of your top ten options. This list might include: job sharing, working part-time, sequencing (moving in and out of career to parent), working at home or an unconventional setting, telecommuting, part-time daycare, asking family or other parents to help with childcare.

You’re right—this is big. Before making a decision, I invite you to take a few moments to close your eyes and consider your next step. We've been trained to look outside of ourselves for answers, but you could save time and frustration by checking in with yourself. Simply close your eyes for a few moments and ask yourself "what's my next step?" Regardless of how odd or unexpected the answer is, check it out.

If you’d like to explore further, here are some recommended resources:

Mothers & More is a national organization with over 170 local chapters that provides support for women who have altered their career paths to stay home either full or part time with their children. (630-941-3553 or www.mothersandmore.org)

Staying Home: from Full-time Professional to Full-time Parent; Sanders and Bullen. This book goes the extra mile in giving women vital information to make intelligent and meaningful decisions in regard to themselves and their children's best interests.

The Stay-At-Home Mom's Survival Guide; Anne Voelckers Palumbo. Laugh-out-loud comebacks to the everyday mommy-track experience.


Lee Sumner is a Certified Professional Coach who has helped hundreds of people create high-quality lives. She is President of No Limits Coaching and Vice-President of the International Coach Federation--Alabama. Send your questions to Lee@nolimitscoach.com and visit www.nolimitscoach.com.

Click here to email Lee or call her at 205.870.1877