Surviving the Holidays

by Lee Sumner
Business and Personal Coach
Call 205.870.1877 or email lee@nolimitscoach.com

Dear Coach:
I’m feeling that old familiar holiday feeling, and it isn’t ho,ho,ho. Actually, I haven’t done anything to prepare for Christmas, and that makes things worse. Just the thought of it makes me feel overwhelmed, so I put off doing anything, and the longer I put it off, the more panicky I get. I hate the thought of rushing around buying gifts, spending money I don’t have, and going to a string of mind-numbing parties where I overeat and overdrink. Yikes! Can I just skip this whole season and wake up on January 2?
Scrooge Again

Dear Scrooge:
You don't have to be a Scrooge to find the Christmas season overwhelming or difficult. For many people, seeing the first red and green display the day after Halloween is enough to start the pressure build-up over the next two months. Your response—procrastination—is a common way to cope. Even though that solution may have been effective in the past, it sounds as if it’s not working for you now.

All I want for Christmas is….
Just by asking for help with your dilemma, you’ve taken an important step to reduce the anxiety and emotional strain. What do you dislike about the way you typically feel during the holidays? Make a quick list and include all the feelings you don’t want—rushed, lonely, frantic, deprived, tired, broke, numb? Now draw a line through each of those words and write the opposite feeling. Voila! You’ve created your personal wish list for the holidays!

How do you want to be experiencing this holiday season? Post your wish list where you’ll see it several times a day. Then ask yourself (maybe even several hundred times a day) the question, "Am I letting it in?" You’re establishing a new habit here; a way of thinking that’s more in line with what you want. How often do you struggle to control or avoid a difficult situation only to end up in the same place--frustrated and afraid? Simply by focusing on those feelings you want, you'll find that your mind starts to pay attention to your direction. Try this over the next 30 days and see what impact it has on your experience.
I hate turkey!
1. Decide to rid yourself of all the things you dislike about the holidays. Do you hate turkey? Don’t serve it. Do you dislike sending greeting cards? Stop it. In other words, if it brings you grief, why are you still doing it?

2. Don't take the responsibility for everyone else's happiness. Everyone depending on you? Feel others will be upset if you don’t do what is expected? Warn them NOW! Things are going to be different this year...it’s OK to cut back, ask for help, or simply change business or family ‘traditions’ and still have a great time.

3. Discuss any worries about Christmas in advance. Start thinking as soon as possible about potential sources of tension and how to deal with them - before the holiday begins and it's too late. Think about problems you encountered during previous holidays and how you can avoid them this year.

4. Set realistic expectations. Do you really have time or energy to host a special dinner or weekend gathering? Are you trying to keep up with the Joneses or will you be honest about what you can do without feeling run down? Do you need to attend all those parties or every church function? Decide ahead of time that any task you take on is a choice you have made.

5. Curb the spending. Money problems are one of the main sources of stress. Setting a realistic budget before the Christmas holidays can reduce the worries of over-spending and put you back in control. Agree on a maximum spending limit with friends and family. Next year, really make a concerted effort to spread your present buying out - panic buying is often what leads to spending more than you can afford.

6. To make this season easier (and more enjoyable), remember that there are many unique alternatives to a wrapped gift. You can:

7. Take time out. Family demands over Christmas can make it easy to neglect your own needs. Time away from the family, on your own or with a partner can ease the pressure, leaving you able to cope. Deliberately plan one or two days over the holiday period that are exclusively set aside for things you enjoy doing.

8. Don’t walk a mile to get bit by a dog. Why drive 300 miles to be with people who increase depression or feelings of inferiority? Many go each year to friends or family gatherings or parties, hoping ‘this year’ things will be better. If it hasn’t happened in all these years, it’s unrealistic to expect it to magically happen this year. Go where family and friends appreciate you, enjoy your company and will be a positive influence for you...or just stay home and begin some enjoyable traditions for yourself and your own family!

Unplug the Christmas Machine

Lee Sumner is a Certified Professional Coach who has helped hundreds of people create high-quality lives. She is President of No Limits Coaching and Vice-President of the International Coach Federation--Alabama. Send your questions to Lee@nolimitscoach.com and visit www.nolimitscoach.com.

Click here to email Lee or call her at 205.870.1877