by Lee Sumner
Business and Personal Coach
Call 205.870.1877 or email lee@nolimitscoach.comDear Coach:
I’m a thirty-something woman who is looking for a better job. I’ve been having trouble feeling happy for others who are having good luck and success. Lately, for me life has been very difficult and it has been a struggle to stay positive about my future, especially when there doesn’t seem to be much to be happy about. Sometimes, I feel like everyone else has the luck, is in the right place at the right time, knows the right people, or is just damn lucky. Even when I hear of a close friend’s good fortune I have difficulty truly being happy for them. Their luck or success makes me feel worse! How can I stop this pity party and truly be happy for others without comparing myself to them?
--Sitting on the Pity Pot
Dear Sitting,
That’s a tough one—sounds like you’re bouncing between feeling sorry for yourself and getting mad at yourself for being jealous. Guaranteed to give a girl a pounding headache!
Just like a giant satellite dish, we are always attracting what we focus on. If you have something you don’t want, you’ve tuned your radio to the channel that plays "I’ll never be happy until I get rid of this." If you want something you don’t have, you’re tuned in to the station "What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have what she has?" The more we focus on lack, the more lack we get.
The Appreciation Game – T.A.G., you’re it!
One of my clients, "Laura," is a dynamic woman in her early forties. She is a talented financial planner, but found herself jobless after a major corporate downsizing. She came to me with a story of her "failure;" how hard it would be to find another job in this economy, and the cut in salary she would surely have to take in a new job. She was terrified that her bills would go unpaid and she would quickly become buried in debt. As she focused on all the things she lacked, her story snowballed until it undermined her health, her relationships with her family, and her zest for living.
Once Laura became aware of her focus on scarcity, she chose one simple yet powerful tool to tune herself to a new channel. Every morning, she wrote down some of the things she appreciated—the aroma of her coffee, her son’s smile, her car starting. Day by day, Laura began to feel better and have more energy. She changed her habit so that she expected good things to come. She began to do things that brought her the feelings of joy, security, and freedom she wanted.
What happened to Laura? Within two months she received three excellent job offers and landed a job she loves, at double her previous income. Her next step? To attract a great relationship with her "ideal man."
I encourage you to read the next few paragraphs, and see what resonates with you.
The Law of Attraction
Like attracts like. What you fear will appear. This means that what you are focused on, and the emotions behind those thoughts, draws more of the same to you. If you are focused on "not enough money", what are you drawing to you? NOT ENOUGH MONEY.
If you’re focused on "what’s difficult about my life", what are you drawing to you? MORE STRUGGLE.
How do you turn it around? The answer is so simple it’s sometimes difficult to grasp. You make the conscious decision to focus on what you DO want rather than what you DON’T want and then you expect (allow) it to come to you.
The "What IF" Game
Notice every time you find yourself focused on the default reaction of "What if…I can’t pay my bills, I don’t get a job, I try something new and flub up?" Then flip it around to "What if…I get some unexpected income and pay my bills in spite of the way things look at the moment? What if…that opportunity isn’t what I thought it would be and I allow it to come to fruition in perfect timing? What if…as I focus on what’s working in my life, I meet someone who asks me to do an exciting project with them and I get paid well?"
The Law of Allowing
Once you have clarity about what you desire, you must then allow it to come. This means relaxing and trusting. You can stop wondering about how it’s coming or when. If you know something is coming, you focus on something else…knowing that all is well.
This is probably the most difficult law to put into practice. I recommend starting with a less significant area of your life in order to begin building your "allowing muscle." Focusing on something small at first helps you see how the laws work. That gives you the confidence to allow or trust the process for bigger things.
Ready to take action?
1. Choose one area in your life in which you want to make a change.
2. Set your intention for one small change in that area and write it down, i.e. "Thank you for bringing people into my life who notice how capable I am" or
"Three new clients are coming to me in the next month."
3. Post your intention where you’ll see it regularly.
4. Remember, your work is to think about what you want and why you want it – joyfully. Release the "how". Remember also to keep it light and make it a game. Invite other people to have fun playing it with you.
Lee Sumner is a Certified Professional Coach who has helped hundreds of people create high-quality lives. She is President of No Limits Coaching and Vice-President of the International Coach Federation--Alabama. Send your questions to Lee@nolimitscoach.com and visit www.nolimitscoach.com.
Click here to email Lee or call her at 205.870.1877