Turn It Inside Out: Project Your Best Image

by Lee Sumner
Business and Personal Coach
Call 205.870.1877 or email lee@nolimitscoach.com

Coach Lee:
I have been blessed and cursed with looking younger than I am. The whole world wants to look younger, but I don’t! I want to be respected for who I am and what I am capable of doing but people just can’t get past my young looks. I get overlooked and disrespected every day because people assume I am much younger than I am. And they assume if I am young that I must be incompetent and/or inexperienced. Well, that is just not so! How do I command the respect I deserve when people see a younger version of me?
--Drinking from the Fountain of Youth

Dear Drinking:
Too youthful? You probably don’t get much sympathy for your dilemma, but it can be frustrating. One phrase from your letter, "I get overlooked and disrespected every day," was a red flag that something in the message you project is getting muddled. Your confidence quotient has two parts: internal (how we see ourselves) and external (how we present ourselves). Instead of waiting for people to see you differently, it sounds as if you’re ready to take action from the inside out.

Ambush Makeover
First, I’ll ask you to imagine you have a best friend who thinks you’re fabulous and isn’t afraid to tell you your clothes are too tight. Now imagine going out for a day with her in tow. The trick here is to see yourself as others see you. We may think we’re charming, outgoing, and persuasive. Little do we know that others see us as overly confident, self-promoting, and too talkative. Understanding the image you project gives you the power to choose a different image and adapt your behavior and communication style accordingly.

Confidence is indispensable if you want to engage someone's attention. Having confidence means you believe in yourself; you trust your own judgment and resourcefulness. You can fake it, and you may need to "act as if" at first, but real self-confidence comes from a history of small victories and accomplishments that add up to a sense that you can handle yourself well in most every situation.

I suggest you take an inventory of the accomplishments you've achieved over the past few years. What about the computer course you completed? The fun party you planned? Those are accomplishments! Don't be modest. It pays to take the time to know your strengths and appreciate them. What's unique about you? What valuable skills and personal qualities do you bring to an organization or project?

First time’s the charm
Did you know first impressions are formed within three minutes? While it may be comforting to cling to the idea that substance is more important than superficial "exteriors," that idea is outdated. Appearance and speech are recognized as important factors in determining success or failure in business. People do evaluate you on the basis of your overall image.

Someone who dresses to enhance her beauty, speaks with assurance, and carries herself with confidence projects positive things, "I can be looked up to, admired, trusted. I respect myself." The haphazard dresser who slouches and speaks in a monotone emits negative messages, "I am unsuccessful, unimportant, and wonder what you think of me." Work with a communications expert, such as Deborah Boswell at Professional Speech Services of Alabama, to polish your voice and presentation skills.

If you're confused about what you look best in, consult a wardrobe consultant. They often spot things that you'd look good in but probably wouldn't consider trying on. Unless your clothes fit well and you know how to put it all together, you can expand your wardrobe but still project a poor image. Many times their advice is free. Parisian offers a Personal Shopper who even shops for you without charge and consults on hair and makeup as part of your total "look."

SEVEN SIMPLE TIPS FOR EXUDING CONFIDENCE
Visualize yourself doing each of these. Then practice till it feels natural to you.

1. Walk quickly. One way to project a successful image is through faster movements. Most confident, successful business people walk and move faster than average. Their movement indicates they have someplace important to go, something important to do, and they use time efficiently.
2. Practice good posture. Your mother was right. This means knees flexed, chest carried high, shoulders low and relaxed, chin parallel to the floor. Dropping the head gives the impression of being shy, introverted and lacking confidence. Holding the head too high implies superiority.
3. Offer a firm handshake. Reach for the other person’s hand and clasp it warmly. Look directly at the other person and say sincerely, "I am very glad to meet you."
4. Lean forward when you sit. This shows interest and concern for the other person. Sloppy, casual posture says "I am not particularly interested in what you are saying" or "I don't care".
5. Avoid nervous gestures. The other person may interpret these as a lack of interest or nervous tension. Carry a pen and legal pad to avoid fidgeting.

Do you?…

6. Make and keep direct eye contact. By looking them directly in the eye you convey that you are listening, you are concerned, and they can trust you.
7. Breathe easy. Use deep "belly breathing" as opposed to shallow chest-breathing to help support your voice and keep you centered.

Recommended Reading:
What Not to Wear, Woodall and Constantine. Hands-on advice and straight-talking guidance that’s all about dressing for your body shape and personality.
Charisma: Seven Keys to Developing the Magnetism That Leads to Success, Tony Alessandra. A step-by-step program in charisma basics.

Lee Sumner is a Certified Professional Coach who has helped hundreds of people create high-quality lives. She is President of No Limits Coaching and Vice-President of the International Coach Federation--Alabama. Send your questions to Lee@nolimitscoach.com and visit www.nolimitscoach.com.

Click here to email Lee or call her at 205.870.1877