Lee Sumner
Certified Professional Coach

for inspiration, strategies, and results

October 2006

Vol. III - Issue 10

Girl-Talk: How to Handle a Man

Take responsibility for the relationship. Desire is desirable. If you’re awake, alive, in touch with yourself...you’re attractive. Be the source of juice and electricity. Know what you want, ask for what you want, tell the truth (it’s good for everybody), trust that the guy will go with it. Don’t step in to rescue the guy -- let it be what it is.

Enroll the guy in this game. The game is "giving me what I want in this relationship." Find out if your guy is a player. Trust will build as you follow these steps: practice, fail, try again, re-enroll, practice more.

Remember that your man wants to make you happy, and just may not know how.

By your actions, inspire the guy to be happy. Happiness is contagious, so do what it takes to get happy. Go for your own expression of your soul and heart. Fill yourself up.

Do what you need to get clear. Wishy-washy does not get results and it’s confusing (especially to men). Use your intuition, time alone, journal, coach, or friend to reach clarity on what you truly want. Then lead the way in the relationship with your clarity.

Be proud of your desire and intuition. Don’t let the "wet blankets" talk you out of it. Confront your doubts. Confront the reasons why you think you can’t have what you want. If it lights you up, it’s good for you and for the guy and for the relationship.

Ask in a way that a man would love to give it. "I really want this to happen. Will you be my partner in making this happen?" Be open and loving so he can win. Be specific. Let him figure out how he can achieve what you’ve asked for. Trust his competence.

Appreciate something of what you get from the man. Be generous. Give him credit. Men are often afraid they won’t do it "right" and the woman will get mad or they’ll get whacked. Tell them, "It’s o.k. to make a mistake, I just want you in the game." Go for wins in the relationship.

Get behind what HE wants. Fill up the emotional bank accounts. Interview him and ask, "What are your top 3 desires?"

(Some responses you may hear: "I want approval, I want you to notice what I do that’s good and say it, I want you to support my goals.")

Give the man something to produce. Know that men are producers and want to be helpful. Give him a challenge and be confident he will figure out how to do it. Don’t stop his production by being critical. If men are winning, they are happy.

Make time for sex and intimacy. It helps men feel their emotions and intuition. Plan it. Schedule time on your calendars for privacy and intimacy.

Lee Sumner is a Certified Professional Coach who has successfully assisted hundreds of people in creating high-quality lives. She is President of No Limits Coaching and is a member of the International Coach Federation.